Insight. Antics.

Live From DC… It’s Saturday Night!

In Politics on May 14, 2009 at 11:00 am

Photo/Brendan Smialowski

The first White House Correspondents’ Dinner of the Obama years was this past Saturday.  Check it all out here.

Now that this whole Wanda Sykes “Oh-no-you-didn’t!” business is blowing over, let’s do a quick recap of what President Obama said… and didn’t say.

 

Jokes we heard:

  • “Wishing all a happy mother’s day, a difficult time for Rahm Emmanuel who’s unused to saying the word day after mother.”
  • “I’d like to welcome you all to the ten-day anniversary of my first one hundred days.  I’m Barack Obama.  Most of you covered me.  All of you voted for me. Apologies to the Fox table.”
  • “Sasha and Malia aren’t here tonight because they are grounded. You can’t just take Air Force One on a joyride around Manhattan. I don’t care whose kids you are.”

  • “In the next hundred days, we will house train our dog Bo – because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him like a fire hydrant.”
  • “David Axelrod is here.  We’ve been together a long time.  I can still remember when I called Ax a few years ago and said, ‘You and I can do wonderful things together.’  And he said to me the same thing that partners across America are saying to one another right now: ‘Let’s go to Iowa and make it official.’ ”
  • “During the second hundred days, we will design, build, and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days. In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off prompter – and Joe Biden will learn to stay on it.”

 

Jokes we could have heard:

  • “I was going to give Joe Biden the reins tonight but he wouldn’t attend; it wasn’t that he didn’t think he could stay on message, it was that he felt it was not healthy to be stuck with such a large crowd in a confined space.”
  • “Al Franken is here.  Everyone, congratulations to him on finally making it to Capitol Hill.  Oh, what’s that?  I am being told he is here strictly in his capacity as comedian.”
  • “Arlen Specter is here, an outstanding public servant, give it up for him.  Where is he?  He was seated to my right before, now I think he switched tables and settled on my left…”
  • “You’ll notice Governor Rick Perry of Texas is not here.  He is meeting with his exploratory committee on running for president… of Texas.”
  • “Ashton Kutcher is here with the lovely Demi Moore of course.  I am particularly happy to have him: this is going to result in thousands more Twitter friends for me.”
  • “Representing Hope and Change is taking its toll on me.  I’ve lost my youthful look.  That’s why I am using Just-For-Men Gel to shake off this salt-and-pepper look so that future employers will take me seriously at my age.”
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