Insight. Antics.

GOPoetry.

In Politics on May 20, 2011 at 8:34 am

For some reason, the last 10 days or so became the time when Republicans decided to declare their intentions for and against running for the presidency. Or in some cases, continue to jockey, pussyfoot, and engage in meaningless artifice.

Well, here at Brief Wit, we’ve always been a bit more Gauguin than Gaga. In that spirit, I’d like to turn their meaningless artifice into art. More specifically, poetry. Namely, Japanese poetry.

So, without further ado, I give you the 2012 GOP Presidential Haikus!

ANY CHARACTER HERE

Not Running

Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi

Boss Hog voice double.
Raise cash and get Hazzard vote.
Uvula transplant?

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ANY CHARACTER HERE

Mike Huckabee, former Governor of Arkansas

Heart him, he hearts you!
Needs more time to hawk batshit
revisionism flicks.

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Donald Trump

Biggest regret not
comedic, but Cabinet
sans Omarosa.

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ANY CHARACTER HERE

Running

Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House

Louie Anderson
right-wing social engineer?”
Callista: needs meds?

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Tim Pawlenty, former Governor of Minnesota

Have you heard of me?
I’ll be the best lame VP
Have you heard of me?

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Rick Santorum, former Senator from Pennsylvania

Google me to get
to my website. On second
thought, please do not. Ewwww.

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ANY CHARACTER HERE

Ron Paul, Representative from Texas

Real Tea Party man.
Does he know coffee prevents
prostate cancer now
?

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ANY CHARACTER HERE

Waiting On The Sidelines


Mitch Daniels, Governor of Indiana

Amiable guv
still waiting for a growth spurt
in polling, or height.

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ANY CHARACTER HERE

Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts

Douchebag frontrunner,
limits, but secret weapon:
a shit-eating grin.

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ANY CHARACTER HERE
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Michele Bachmann, House Representative from Minnesota

Known to look askance,
will run and be fun fodder.
Certifiable.

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Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey

As big as the word
“Gubernatorial” and
smart enough to wait.

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ANY CHARACTER HERE
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Sarah Palin

Will she run? Dunno
Will she lose? “Oh, you betcha”
Meantime: Levi’s book

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ANY CHARACTER HERE

Jon Huntsman, former U.S. Ambassador to China and former Governor of Utah

Mormon on spring roll,
but would campaign focus be
wanton or wonton?

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