For some reason, the last 10 days or so became the time when Republicans decided to declare their intentions for and against running for the presidency. Or in some cases, continue to jockey, pussyfoot, and engage in meaningless artifice.
Well, here at Brief Wit, we’ve always been a bit more Gauguin than Gaga. In that spirit, I’d like to turn their meaningless artifice into art. More specifically, poetry. Namely, Japanese poetry.
So, without further ado, I give you the 2012 GOP Presidential Haikus!
Not Running
Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi
Boss Hog voice double.
Raise cash and get Hazzard vote.
Uvula transplant?
Mike Huckabee, former Governor of Arkansas
Heart him, he hearts you!
Needs more time to hawk batshit
revisionism flicks.
Donald Trump
Biggest regret not
comedic, but Cabinet
sans Omarosa.
Running
Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House
Louie Anderson
“right-wing social engineer?”
Callista: needs meds?
Tim Pawlenty, former Governor of Minnesota
Have you heard of me?
I’ll be the best lame VP
Have you heard of me?
Rick Santorum, former Senator from Pennsylvania
Google me to get
to my website. On second
thought, please do not. Ewwww.
Ron Paul, Representative from Texas
Real Tea Party man.
Does he know coffee prevents
prostate cancer now?
Waiting On The Sidelines
Mitch Daniels, Governor of Indiana
Amiable guv
still waiting for a growth spurt
in polling, or height.
Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts
Douchebag frontrunner,
limits, but secret weapon:
a shit-eating grin.
Michele Bachmann, House Representative from Minnesota
Known to look askance,
will run and be fun fodder.
Certifiable.
Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey
As big as the word
“Gubernatorial” and
smart enough to wait.
Sarah Palin
Will she run? Dunno
Will she lose? “Oh, you betcha”
Meantime: Levi’s book
Jon Huntsman, former U.S. Ambassador to China and former Governor of Utah
Mormon on spring roll,
but would campaign focus be
wanton or wonton?
